The Body Keeps Track
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Not all scars are visible — but some are. And they tell stories.
Like the scar on my knee from running on an uneven sidewalk as a child. I was not watching where I was going. I tripped, fell hard, and cried. Someone helped me up. I got it cleaned. Bandaged. It hurt for a while, then healed. Now it is just a faint mark — a reminder of what happened, how it felt, and how I recovered.
And that is just what our bodies do. They carry our experiences — the joyful ones and the painful ones. Some become memories. Others live beneath the surface, quietly shaping how we move through the world.
Trauma works that way too. Except we can’t always point to it. We do not always remember the exact fall. Sometimes, we just feel the ache. The tenderness. The fear of tripping again- having a similar or repeat experience.
That’s why body awareness matters. Undoing toxic patterns is not just about mindset — it’s about embodiment and putting learned lessons into practice, because the body is where it all lands, even when the mind tries to forget.
So today, take a moment to ask yourself: What have I been carrying?
Your Body Remembers What You Try to Forget
There is a kind of tired that sleep does not fix. A deep fatigue that settles in your bones, in your breath, in the quiet places you rarely give yourself permission to explore.
And yet, your body always knows.
Your body keeps track — of every boundary you abandoned, every conversation you swallowed, every situation you forced yourself to smile through. Not just in memory, but in muscle, tissue, posture, and breath.
This is not just poetic — it is biological.
Before we ever speak, we feel. Before we ever walk, we react. As infants, our bodies are soft — all connective tissue, emotion, and instinct. Over time, we develop structure: bones, joints, routines, behaviors. But that early softness? That is where our nervous system forms its blueprint. That’s where the body learns what safety feels like — or doesn’t. And that imprint does not disappear.
The Science of Stored Stress
Science confirms what many of us feel but can’t always explain: trauma lives in the body. As Bessel van der Kolk says in The Body Keeps the Score, traumatic experiences aren’t just stored in memory — they’re encoded in our physiology. In how we breathe. In how we clench. In how fast our heart races when we get a text that feels familiar.
When you have experienced chronic stress or emotional harm — whether through toxic relationships, environments, or repeated violations of your boundaries — your body learns to live in survival mode.
It makes sense: your pupils dilate in the dark so you can see danger. Your muscles tighten to prepare you to flee. Your breathing shortens to conserve energy. This is not weakness. It is protection. It is the brilliance of the human body doing what it was designed to do: keep you alive.
But when we ignore those signals — when we force ourselves to push through fatigue, perform when we are depleted, or stay silent/ minimize when we are in pain — we begin to recondition the body to go against its original programming.
And over time, that disconnection becomes normalized. Even praised.
Your Body Is Not the Problem — It’s the Map
Instead of asking, What’s wrong with me?
Ask, What has my body been trying to tell me for a long time?
We live in a society — maybe even a global culture — that offers little grace for the aging process.
We expect ourselves to perform, produce, and recover just as we did in our teens or young adulthood.
Or, if you’re older, maybe you hold on to the rhythms and endurance of 30 or 40 years ago.
This goes beyond simply wanting to look youthful.
Rest is not a reward to be earned, nor is it a sign of weakness.
But for many, especially Black and African-American communities, there are deep, intergenerational messages rooted in the history of forced labor and slavery — where rest was a luxury denied, and relentless productivity was imposed for capitalism’s gain.
The belief that constant productivity will lead to enough money, favor, or being seen as “good,” “dependable,” and “on time” runs deep. This mindset pressures us to push past personal needs for rest and healing, teaching us to ignore the very body signals that protect us. Undoing toxic means reclaiming permission to rest — not as a failure, but as a radical act of self-respect and resistance.
How the HALT Skill Can Help Us Listen Before We Spiral
We live in a culture that teaches us to override our bodies in the name of productivity, perfectionism, and people-pleasing.
But your body? It was never designed to be ignored. It was designed to protect you. And when we do not listen, our bodies get louder. Fatigue turns into burnout. A pit in the stomach becomes anxiety. The short fuse we brush off as “being tired” might actually be chronic depletion.
HALT: A Simple Tool for Deep Check-Ins
Borrowed from recovery spaces like AA, HALT is a mindfulness tool that asks us to pause and ask four essential questions:
HUNGRY: Have I eaten something nourishing? Is my blood sugar low? Am I ignoring a basic physical need?
ANGRY: Am I holding onto resentment or irritation? Is there something I'm not saying or naming?
LONELY: Do I feel disconnected from people, from community, or from myself?
TIRED: Am I running on empty? When was the last time I truly rested?
This is not just about preventing relapse in substance use.
This is about learning to pause before we spiral, numb out, explode, or overextend.
It’s about checking in with your body before checking out of your needs.
Undoing Toxic = Returning to the Body
Undoing toxic doesn’t always look like grand revelations.
Sometimes, it looks like:
Eating a full meal when you’re used to skipping
Taking a nap without guilt
Saying “I’m not okay” out loud
Reaching out for connection even when it feels vulnerable
Sitting in your car, taking 3 deep breaths, and asking: What do I actually need right now?
Our bodies speak — through cravings, tension, tears, silence. Giving the body what it needs isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
It’s nervous system regulation.
It’s self-parenting.
It’s a pause that prevents the spiral.
Potential Signs of Stress
Cognitive Signs:
Racing thoughts
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Memory problems
Constant worrying or rumination
“What if” spirals
Emotional Signs:
Irritability or short temper
Anxiety or nervousness
Low mood or sadness
Feeling overwhelmed or out of control
Numbness or emotional detachment
Physical Signs:
Fatigue (even after sleeping)
Muscle tension, jaw clenching, headaches
Stomach issues (nausea, bloating, IBS flares)
Rapid heartbeat or shallow breathing
Sleep disturbances (insomnia or oversleeping)
🚨 Behavioral Signs:
Withdrawing from others
Increased screen time or doomscrolling
Changes in appetite (eating more or less)
Procrastination or overworking
Snapping at loved ones or avoiding communication
Coming Home to Yourself
Your body has been carrying your story all along — every joy, every pain, every silent boundary you didn’t hold.
It’s not a problem to fix, but a guide to follow.
Undoing toxic patterns means learning to listen — really listen — to the signals your body sends. It means giving yourself permission to rest, to slow down, and to honor your needs without shame or apology.
In a world that demands more, more, more, choosing rest and presence is revolutionary. It is an act of healing, resistance, and love — for yourself and for the generations who came before you.
Remember: the body keeps track.
Let yours tell you what it needs.
Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com
Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)
For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.
Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.
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