Putting Rest on the Calendar

Out-of-office is not just for the office. It’s for you, too.

I have been thinking about a conversation that came up recently about burnout, shutting down, and what it really means to recharge. It made me think about how often we wait until we are completely depleted before we give ourselves permission to rest.

There’s an old saying: “Choose a day to rest, or your body will choose it for you.”

I think there is a lot of truth in that.

Think about our phone batteries. We often get signs before the battery is critically low. At 20%, we get a prompt to go on battery saving mode and it turns yellow. At 10% it turns red. Finally, when it reaches 2%, we don’t usually keep scrolling, answering messages, opening apps, and expecting it to function indefinitely. We look for a charger and an outlet. We know that if we keep demanding more from it without giving it anything back, eventually it will shut down.

And yet, we do this to ourselves all the time. We push through deadlines. We skip meals. We forget to drink water. We ignore how tired we are. We stay available long after we have reached our emotional capacity. We tell ourselves we will rest when the work is finished, when the house is clean, when the children are settled, when the crisis passes, when everyone else is okay.

But there is almost always something else.

The day goes by in the blink of an eye, and suddenly it’s nighttime. We realize we haven’t eaten properly. We’ve barely moved. We’ve been staring at a screen for hours. We’ve answered everyone’s questions but haven’t checked in with ourselves once. Then we wonder why we feel exhausted. Burnout is something we talk about frequently in the social work and helping professions. We talk about compassion fatigue, caregiver fatigue, secondary traumatic stress, boundaries, and the importance of supervision. We teach people how to recognize when they are overwhelmed. But there is an uncomfortable truth for many people in caregiving roles: we can become very good at recognizing burnout in other people while completely missing it in ourselves.

We may even normalize our own exhaustion because being needed has become part of our identity.

Sometimes burnout doesn’t look like falling apart.

Sometimes it looks like becoming numb.

It can look like irritability over things that normally wouldn’t bother you. Dreading conversations. Feeling resentful when someone asks for one more thing. Having difficulty concentrating. Losing interest in things you usually enjoy. Feeling emotionally detached. Sleeping too much or too little. Constantly feeling tired despite sleeping. Headaches, muscle tension, changes in appetite, or feeling physically run down.

Sometimes it can also feel like sensory overload. The television is too loud. Your phone keeps buzzing. Someone is talking to you while someone else is asking you a question. The lights feel too bright. The notifications keep coming. There is another email, another conversation, another decision, another thing that needs your attention.

Nothing is necessarily wrong with any one of these things.

There is just too much of everything at once.

When we are already emotionally and physically depleted, our capacity for stimulation can become much smaller. What might normally feel manageable can suddenly feel unbearable.

And this is where “just take a break” can sound easier than it actually is.

What if you have children who need you? What if you are at work? What if you are caring for someone else? What if your responsibilities don’t pause simply because you are overwhelmed? Someone always needs me, something always needs my attention and/or intervention. We tell ourselves, if I don’t, who will? I get it, sometimes you can’t completely step away. But you may still be able to reduce the input.

Turn off unnecessary notifications. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Step into the bathroom for two quiet minutes. Lower the volume. Dim the lights. Close the computer tab you don’t need right now. Put on headphones if you need to create a little distance from the noise. Sit in your car before walking into the house. Take a few slow breaths before responding instead of immediately reacting.

If you can’t get thirty minutes, take three.

If you can’t leave the environment, reduce what is coming into it.

If you can’t completely disconnect, create a small pocket of quiet.

These moments may seem insignificant, but they can give your nervous system a chance to come down from constantly processing information.

Rest does not always have to look like a vacation.

Sometimes rest is simply less.

Less noise.

Less scrolling.

Less talking.

Less responding.

Less stimulation.

Less explaining.

And sometimes, less access to you.

Practice What You Preach

There is another part of this conversation that feels important to acknowledge: it is one thing to talk about rest, boundaries, and burnout prevention. It is another thing to actually practice them.

I don’t want to just give advice about something I am unwilling to do myself.

Every year, I take an intentional break. It takes preparation. It takes planning. It takes looking ahead and deciding what needs to be completed, what can wait, who needs to know, and what boundaries I need to put in place before I step away.

And then I have to stick to it.

That last part matters.

Because taking time off while remaining constantly available isn’t really disconnecting.

Before I go away, I have to ask myself: What are the boundaries of this break?

• Am I completely unavailable?

• What happens if something comes up?

• Does it actually need my attention, or can it wait?

• What needs to be triaged?

• Who can handle something in my absence?

• What am I willing to respond to and what am I intentionally leaving for later?

Those questions allow me to step away with more peace because I have already decided what my boundaries are.

And then there are the days when I don't need to accomplish anything at all.

Days where I can simply rest.

Days where I can follow what my body needs instead of forcing myself to follow a routine just because it is my routine.

I remember something from yoga that has stayed with me: one breath, one movement.

There is something beautiful about that simplicity; one breath, one movement.

Not the entire practice. Not the entire day. Just what is happening right now.

I had a similar realization when I tried Transcendental Meditation. I remember wondering why I kept falling asleep during a 20-minute meditation. I thought I was supposed to be doing something differently. Was I supposed to be more focused? More disciplined? Was falling asleep defeating the purpose?

Eventually, I realized maybe my body was simply telling me what it needed.

Sleep.

Rest.

A pause.

That experience changed something for me.

Mindfulness isn't always about forcing yourself to stay perfectly present or following a prescribed routine. Sometimes mindfulness is paying enough attention to recognize what your body is asking for and allowing yourself to respond.

If I need focus, I focus.

If I need to move, I move.

If I need to be still, I am still.

If I need to close my eyes, I close them.

If I need sleep, I sleep.

There is something freeing about giving yourself permission to follow those cues when you can, rather than constantly overriding them because the schedule says you should be doing something else.

It has also helped me feel less guilty about rest.

Because sometimes we have been conditioned to believe that if we aren't producing, accomplishing, helping, or moving forward, we must be wasting time.

But our bodies are not machines designed for constant output.

Sometimes the most productive thing we can do is recover.

Self-Care Starts With the Body

This is where self-care has to become more than a buzzword. Self-care starts with caring for the body you are asking to carry you through your life.

Are you eating?

Are you sleeping?

Are you drinking enough water?

Are you moving your body?

Are you attending to your medical and mental health needs?

Are you taking breaks?

Are you allowing yourself moments of quiet?

These things can sound basic, but basic does not mean insignificant. We cannot continuously neglect our physical well-being and expect our emotional health to remain untouched.

And sometimes, caring for yourself means recognizing when you need help.

You don’t have to wait until you are in crisis to talk to a therapist. Therapy can be a place to slow down and examine what has become unsustainable. It can help you identify patterns, understand why rest feels difficult, work through guilt around saying no, strengthen boundaries, process grief or stress, and develop healthier ways of responding before you reach the point of complete depletion.

Asking for help is not an admission that you have failed at taking care of yourself.

Sometimes asking for help is taking care of yourself.

The goal isn’t to create a perfectly balanced life where nothing ever feels overwhelming. That doesn’t exist.

The goal is balance, not perfection.

There will be busy seasons. There will be deadlines, emergencies, caregiving responsibilities, long days, unexpected losses, and moments when you have to push a little harder.

But there also have to be moments when you refill.

We cannot live permanently in survival mode and call it normal.

So maybe putting rest on the calendar is not selfish.

Maybe it is responsible.

Maybe it is preventative.

Maybe it is one of the ways we practice staying connected to ourselves instead of waiting until our bodies disconnect for us.

Schedule the appointment.

Take the day off.

Eat the lunch.

Drink the water.

Turn off the notifications.

Go outside.

Lower the volume.

Take the three-minute pause.

Close your eyes.

Ask for help.

Do nothing for a little while.

And if you find yourself thinking, I’ll rest when I have time, consider this:

You may never find the time. You may have to make it.

Because your body is keeping score of everything you continue to ask it to carry.

You are allowed to recharge before you are empty.

You are allowed to rest before you break.

And you are allowed to take care of yourself without first proving that you deserve it.

Thank you for reading.

Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com

Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)

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