The Space Between Thoughts

Today, I want to talk about silence.

Silence is something hard to come by in a noisy city and when we find these quiet moments of retreat, I hope we welcome them instead of seeing it as something “weird or out of place.” Silence can be unsettling for some of us. It can be the space where our thoughts get loud, messy, unorganized, and sometimes too much to hold. For those who grew up in environments where quiet meant tension, or where constant doing was expected, silence can even feel like danger. It’s no wonder we fill it with sound, scrolling, work, and words.

But silence isn’t the enemy, it is acutally an invitation to check in with ourselves. An invitation to pause, to listen, to refocus.

Sometimes, as a therapist, I use the power of pausing, silently and intentionally to help therapy-seekers slow down. No, I did not space out. I know I took an extra few seconds to respond. Sometimes as therapists we are also sitting with what is shared in the space. What makes us want to skip taking a few more minutes before rushing to respond or move on? Pausing gives room to notice: What’s happening in your mind, your heart, your body right now?

Pacing is important, too. Silence helps us connect to the details we usually skip over — the clenched jaw, the shallow breath, the racing thoughts, the tears we swallow back. Pausing and slowing down allows us to feel instead of just function. There are times when silence is exactly what we need. When our energy is scattered, our minds are cluttered, or we feel overstimulated, silence gives us a chance to return to center. A few minutes of quiet can help regulate the nervous system, reduce anxiety, and bring clarity to decisions that feel confusing when life is noisy.

As a person who loves silence I can say we also need to set boundaries on it too. Too much of anything is overindulgence. Too much silence, especially when used to withdraw or isolate ourselves can become avoidance in disguise. It can deepen staying in our heads (rumination) and amplify self-criticism if left unchecked. The goal is not endless silence, but intentional silence: moments that restore you, not consume you.

So how do we work with silence rather than against it?

1. Integrate mindfulness.
Start small. Sit for one minute with your breath or focus on a single sound — like a clock ticking, birds outside, or your own inhale and exhale. The point isn’t to clear your mind; it’s to notice what’s happening inside it. Mindfulness teaches us to witness without judgment — to hear our thoughts without believing every one of them.

2. Set time limits on silence.
If quiet quickly turns into overthinking or spiraling, set a gentle boundary. You may try five minutes (or less, whatever you can tolerate) of silence, then shift to a grounding activity: stretch, journal, or step outside. Balance introspection with movement and engagement.

3. Learn to recognize when noise becomes distraction.
Not all noise is bad! Music, laughter, conversation, and creativity can heal us profoundly, but if you notice that you are using noise to avoid your feelings or numb your awareness, that is when it is worth pausing. Ask yourself:

What am I trying not to feel right now?

Is this sound helping me come alive, or helping me hide?

Undoing toxic patterns in our lives also means learning attunement. How in-sync are we with ourselves? We cannot always look to others to know or expect what we need. How do you know when you need stillness and when you need stimulation? Some days, healing sounds like deep quiet. Other days, it can be the rhythm and words of a favorite song reminding you you’re still here figuring it out.

Because when we can sit with ourselves, in silence or in sound, we stop running from life and start living in it. Remember: The practice is balance and the goal is peace.

Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com

Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)

For social work clinicians, I also offer clinical consultation meetings (Not to be confused with clinical supervision for licensure hours) at any level of practice.

Book me as your mental health presenter for speaking engagements, podcasts, panels, and presentations.

Disclaimer:

The intention for using social media for social workers and other mental health professionals is for marketing, education, advocacy, thought leadership, and providing content in a technologically changing field. We want to do this while making potential therapy-seekers aware of the risks and benefits of engagement on social media and Internet where mental health professionals are present. A therapeutic relationship is a professional relationship and in today's technological climate, a social media presence or following your therapist on social media is not to be confused with a relationship outside of therapy. Ethical, professional, and therapeutic boundaries must be followed and honored. 

• A counseling social media page or blog is not psychotherapy, a replacement for a therapeutic relationship, or substitute for mental health and medical care. A social media presence as a counseling professional is not seeking an endorsement, request, or rating from past or current clients. No social media posts or blog should be considered professional advice. The information contained in posts is general information for educational purposes only.

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• If you or someone you know is experiencing a medical and/or psychiatric mental health crisis and requires assistance, please call 911 emergency services.

• 988- National Suicide Prevention Hotline (24 hours a day, 7 days a week)

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