Be Like the Leaves: Learning the Art of Letting Go

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It seems like we are skipping over fall into winter and lately, I have been thinking about how the trees do not fight the seasons.
When the time comes, the trees simply let go of their leaves. No forcing, no denial, no pleading with the wind to make it stop. Just quiet surrender; an honest, graceful release that makes room for what may come next.

Can we say that we are the same? Ready for whatever is coming even in an expected season of change? Absolutely not. We may know, however, we still resist.
We hold on to what we find to be familiar: relationships, routines, titles, or versions of ourselves even long after they’ve stopped serving us. We push through when our spirit says pause. We stay loyal to our loyalty, even when it is costing us our peace. Why? Because for so many of us, letting go feels like failure.

Maybe we are similar in that along life’s journey we learned endurance meant strength. The more I can withstand, the stronger, more courageous I am, and others will see. We try to push harder. To stay. To prove our worth through effort. Especially in cultures or families where discipline and perseverance were celebrated above all else, the idea of releasing/letting go of something or someone can feel wrong, even disloyal.

But what if letting go is not a betrayal of strength, but an expression of it?
What if it’s the bravest act of self-trust we can make?

When Loyalty Turns into Self-Betrayal

There is a fine line between being committed and being consumed. We wear our endurance like armor:

“I stayed.”

“I tried.”

“I held it together.”

Sometimes, that armor has become the very thing weighing us down. When we force ourselves to hold on to what is already unraveling, we confuse suffering for purpose. We confuse staying with love. But the truth is that maybe this thing has run its course. It is time to collect the medicine, learn the lessons of the season, and let go.

Still, being done rarely happens overnight. As a dear friend reminds me alwasys, “being done is a process.” It is a slow awakening that happens in layers. We shed one belief, one expectation, one emotional tie at a time. And sometimes, we circle back. Because even when the mind knows it’s time to move on, the heart may not be ready yet.

Consider the following reflection questions:
What am I holding onto out of habit rather than hope?

What am I afraid I’ll lose if I stop trying to hold everything together?

What new space could I make if I trusted the process of release?

If You Are Not Ready to Let Go…Yet

Here is the truth I share often in therapy: readiness is sacred.
You do not need to rush your healing or “rip off the bandage” to prove progress. If you’re not ready to release something, or someone just yet, try this instead:

1. Practice gentle awareness.
   Notice what you are holding on to and why. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen if I let go?” Naming your fears helps you see them clearly, instead of being controlled by them.

2. Make space for mixed emotions.
   Grief, love, guilt, and relief often coexist. You can miss something deeply and still know it is not right for you. You can honor the beauty of a chapter while acknowledging it is closing.

3. Ground yourself in small acts of self-trust.
   Each time you listen to your needs by saying no (remember your boundaries), resting, or speaking honestly you rebuild confidence in your own judgment. Letting go becomes easier when you trust that you will care for yourself through it.

4. Find safety in community.
   Healing does not have to happen in isolation. Lean on trusted friends, faith, therapy, or community spaces that help you process rather than pressure you to “move on.”

5. Reframe letting go as transformation.
   When leaves fall, the tree does not die. It transforms. Shedding isn’t loss; it is preparation for renewal. You may not be losing what’s meant for you; you may be making space for what aligns better with who you are becoming.

When Silence Feels Like Surrender

Letting go can feel like silence after noise. Like an absence or void where something once was. But in that quiet, something sacred happens: perspective returns.
You begin to hear yourself again.
You begin to see the path forward. These changes do not always happen all at once, but slowly, in the same way spring always follows winter.

Undoing toxic means giving yourself permission to stop performing for the life you know that you have outgrown. It means loosening your grip on what you once thought you needed and trusting that peace is not found in control. Peace is actually found in acceptance.

So, if you find that you are still holding on to someone or something, it is okay.
You can take your time. The trees do not shed all their leaves in a single gust of wind. It happens gradually, gently, until the branches stand bare ready for what’s next.

And maybe that is the reminder too: we can let go in our own time. Letting go is both and ending and an opening to something new.

Let’s connect. Email me: moniqueevanstherapy@gmail.com

Accepting individual, couples, and family clients (self-pay and select insurance via headway.co- Monique Evans, LCSW)

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